Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
