what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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