ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
