I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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