Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
