I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
