I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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