I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
