had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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