Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize