Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
