Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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