My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
