I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
