had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
