ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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