i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
