Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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