Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize