I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
