it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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