my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
