found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
