She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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