I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
