I'm jealous of your bromance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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