You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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