I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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