She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
