I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
