These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Let's paint friendship bongs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
