Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize