eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Floor bacon is actually really good
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
