He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to align my fucking chakras
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
