you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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