My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
