So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
tell me about the eggs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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