I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
