got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
