Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
