I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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