he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
