Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
