my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
