WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
