Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
