as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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