I need help removing her.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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