This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
