like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
