i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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