i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
