so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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