We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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