this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize