He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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