Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
