I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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