just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
